I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
