I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
