I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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