you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
