The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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