Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
