these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
