between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
