Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
