It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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