Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
