1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
