I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
