My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
