he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
