I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
