You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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