I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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