u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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