I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We don't watch enough power rangers
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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