"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
