Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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