Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
