I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How does it feel to date your dad?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
