I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
