You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
