Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
