Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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