Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
