it wasn't lemon gatorade
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
