she was so not down for the gang bang
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
