the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
