DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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