So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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