I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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