HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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