I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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