covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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