so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
