I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
