Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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