I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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