You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
