Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
