hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
