I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
