bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
