So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
