So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
honey bunches of taint.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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