Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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