If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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