My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
