My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
