I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
