Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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