I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
