I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
